In Between The Lines
by Twisted.AZ
Summary: Callie and Arizona's marriage falls apart along with Arizona... Can they fix each other and their marriage? *TRIGGER WARNING* Rated M for a reason. This will contain SMUT and Fluff!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone :) I know, I haven't completed my other story yet, but I'm working on it... This idea has been with me for a while now so I thought you might enjoy it. All mistakes are mine. Please share your thoughts, questions, requests and future ideas you like incorporated.**

**I don't know which perspective the story should be but for now, this chapter is Arizona's POV.**

**Callie and Arizona are separated/divorced & Callie lives in New York with Sofia**

_Italics are flashb_acks and other settings.

* * *

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Four cuts and shards of glass. Four scars and a reflection of the past, I did it four times to ease the pain, to feel something.

I watch the blood drip into the sink, washing away with the water from the null, the sound soothes me.

My eyes become heavy as I began my descent to the bathroom floor, all I can think about is my Calliope.

"_We are wasting time, running in circles. I am constantly trying to fix us and it has been killing me slowly. So go be happy over here while I will be happy over there."_

"_If you walk out the door, we are over."_

"_We are standing in the middle of a bar screaming at each other. We are already over."_

_She hands me our wedding ring. Our vows ringing in my head. 'For better or worse'_

"_Callie, please, no, don't-please" The tears are freely falling from my eyes as I watch the black Mercedes drive away._

_Not once did she turn around and look back._

When did everything come crashing down? How did I get here? These questions clutter my mind as I fall into the darkness.

I don't know how much time has gone by but the darkness is gone, and all I see is light. I feel no pain... Nothing hurts, so maybe this is the end. If I'm not with her, at least I'm not in this world.

"V-Fib!"

Wait, v-fib, Ventricular fibrillation, that means my heart is about to stop which means I am alive. The figures silhouettes are fading into the light, I can't see anything, why is it so bright here?

"_This isn't where I want to be… but am I even good for anything? Should I stay or leave?" A familiar figure comes into my view interrupting my thoughts, Mark. "Mark, why are you here"_

"_Hey, Blondie... I miss you but you don't belong here, not yet, the world needs you."_

"_Mark.. I am a failure, Callie has been so good to me, I cheated on her. I already failed you, you said to take care of your girls, I didn't...s-sorry."_

"_You are not a failure, you haven't failed anyone, you just lost yourself. It's human"_

"_It is time for you to get up, you need to save your family, she can live without but not happily. Now promise me that you won't harm yourself ever, not after this incident."_

"_I promise.."_

"We have a pulse!"

Great... More noise, can't they all shut up for one second. Groggily, I open my eyes to several different voices. I groan in return. As I blink out of my daze, I look over the see my left wrist cover by a perfect white bandage. Moving my eyes to take in my surroundings I see all my friends, who don't seem so friendly right now.

"YOU ARE SO STUPID. Did you not think about us!? Do we not mean anything to you, Arizona?" Addison screams.

"I-I'm so..." I croak. "I am not done,"

"What if no one found you? What would we have done if you didn't make it, what would we do? What would I do? God, you didn't even think about everyone did you." Callie shouts, her eyes red and puffy.

She is right, I am selfish. I didn't think about my friends who have become my family, the only family I have, or my patients who rely on me. I did not think that many people would be affected by this... I never thought about the consequences.

I smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! I finally have come around and wrote a second chapter out. I edited Chapter 1 as a lovely reviewer pointed you some error and unrealistic reactions that I did not think of! All mistakes are mine. Please share your thoughts, questions, requests and future ideas you like incorporated.**

If anyone would like to team up with me for this story, I'd be extremely grateful!

**I don't know which perspective the story should be but for now, this chapter is Arizona's POV.**

_Italics are thoughts._

* * *

"So when can I leave?" I brush off the topic, avoid her earthy brown eyes.

"Tomorrow," Bailey says. "Only if you are accompanied by someone for the next 10 days and you have to talk to a therapist, who will clear you before you return to work."

I roll my eyes but agree. "Ok fine," I reply. "So who is gonna watch over me?"

"Umm well, I could, with Sofia of course." Callie volunteers.

I spent the last week overjoyed with Callie and Sofia, it was us, just the three of us as a family. The dance parties, movies after dinner, going to the park, or just even making dinner was something I never believed I would be experiencing again. I would trade the world for moments like this.

Hurricane Sofia was one for surprises, each day a multitude of tiny things... how they made her smile. Which hand was my cookie in? Which way would we walk to school? Would be splashing in puddles or leaping over? It was so fun, all those every day adventures... I can still feel her excitement at seeing a simple flower or the way the light played upon the path. In a life so ordinary it was her that was extraordinary, not because she was given so much, yet because she made it that way, something she inherited from Calliope.

_Isn't it funny, that if I had made a different decision I wouldn't be here now? If I had put a different answer on that sheet, my fate would have been written in different ink. Because if I was sitting here in a different universe, without you by my side, I would have never become complete. Why is it so hard to voice my emotions._

Finally, after a week and a half and several therapy sessions later which I have to continue, I can return to work.

Today is my last day off as I was cleared to return back to work yesterday. My life will fall back into the hectic chaos I surprisingly enjoy after tomorrow. The hospital is great, I enjoy teaching eager residents, and seeing all the cheerful children. It conceals the pain.

Maybe I could call Teddy, she might have the day off.

Waiting for the cardio surgeon to pick up, I couldn't stop my demons from haunting me. '_Callie she deserves better she'll never take you back.'_

"Hey, Blondie."

"Teddy, T-T-eddy, I-I need help. Please help me." And everything went hazy, the voices scream at me.

Teddy is the first to speak up, "Arizona, Arizona can you hear me"

"Mmm Callie, is, is ok? I n-need her back… please help me" That was all I heard as the words began to fade, the room began to spin, I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, and my breath uneven and shallow. "She left, l-left me, I was so rude to her. I need her, please, I can't, no, don't want to live without her in my life. She's it, she's the girl."

"Then we get the girl, ok. But not when you are hurting yourself, because that will kill her." She coaxes me.

I don't remember much after my hyperventilating episode, I remember Teddy picking me up. She hugged for an unknown amount of time, my breath began to even out but the tears didn't stop, there was a peaceful silence between us.

"I need you to help me. It's no excuse I know; I own my behavior. I try to stop, try to be good, happy and then a trigger is flicked. My emotions turn - cold, fearful, anxious... I back away, flee or strike out. In these moments I am least proud of who I am. I fail to be the good man in a storm I was born to be, the strong woman with the softness of a mother. Instead, I show the frightened child within, damaged and afraid, the one still hiding in the dark, choosing to believe the shooting, the pain crash, my leg are just bad memories. I know these are things for me to work on, not for others to mitigate, I am an adult after all. Yet I ask for consideration, that my fear triggers are left alone until my body stops living in a state of flight or fight until I find a way back to being calm and steady. I have been stable many years, caring for others, being a healer, yet never seeing the pain I have caused others when the mask is removed. Love, it is the only medicine that can heal this fractured soul. In the end, I broke the person who mended me. So like a stupid child I hold out for love, wide eyes and shaking limbs, still looking for a way out of this dark place."

"Teddy?" I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you keep helping me?"

"Because I was told that you're an awesome friend, super in fact."

"Teddy I'm being serious," I state dryly.

"So am I! But those voices will eat you alive if they get to you, I've been in that dark place too, you know."

"I want to change, get help."

"So we start today, it's only a little after 12" Teddy eyes bounce around the room, taking the surroundings in.

Teddy grabs a plush pillow and starts waking Arizona playfully, "Now get up and wear some running clothes."

"Ok, ok I'm going."

Both blonde women jog, side by side, both with headphones in and thoughts running through their minds.

_This is a good start, running, I used to run and I thought I could never run again but I can. How was I not willing to give up my leg for a whole life with girls I loved? My arrogance made me step on that plane, withhold consent for an amputation, lashed out at my wife. My wife who stood strong for everyone, when she felt the world shift beneath her feet. I couldn't be there for her because I told her to be my doctor and my wife, but I hated her for being my doctor, and then cheated on my wife. I broke Callie's heart, that I once promised to care for with love and never cause pain. My girls need me and I need my girls, this change is for them, for me, because my love for you, Calliope, is greater than this. I will come back to you. Better. Healthier. Stronger. I will, I promise._

"I'll race you back," Teddy shouts as she bolts.

"Oh, you are so on." Arizona speeds up, ready to win.

Both women stop in front of the blue apartment door. "Ha. I win!" Arizona fist pumps the air, out of breath.

"I win!" Teddy mocks Arizona.

"Aw someone is a sore loser."

Whatever… go shower, you smell." Teddy scrunches her nose. "Then I want to try something."

"Something?"

"Yeah, now go!"

"Ok, I'm showered and hungry…" Arizona snags an apple from the fruit basket on the dining table.

"Make a list."

"That's very Type A of you. Of what?"

"Your fears, and fears in your possible future relationship with Callie."

"Teddy… don't" I beg the dirty blonde.

"Arizona trust me, nothing on that list will scare me away except right now I am supposed to be in the hospital, so I have to go"

_Fears_

_Failure or Failing the People I Love_

_Walking Away_

_Stopping_

_Nightmare_

_Of Not Knowing Who I Am_

_Voices_

My phone buzzes, bringing me back into reality, I pick it up.

"Can we meet?" - C.

"Sure, I guess." - A.

"Thanks! How about the park in 15." - C.

With that I put my phone down, tidy up and head to my room to change from baggy sweats, into navy jeans and a grey sweater. I look at my reflection in the broken mirror, I don't see the same person staring back at me & I don't like it. This will be my first step towards recovery and my fight for my family. The first step towards change. The very first step is the hardest step to take but you have to take it.

So this is my first step.

* * *

"Hey." Callie softly says. She looks beautiful, break-stoppingly beautiful. _The way those black jeans hug her ass… that makes it go POW. And that top is so sexy. Stop, no, you aren't supposed to be eyeing your ex-wife like this. Damnit._

"Umm… h-hey." _When did it Seattle get so hot?_

"So…" _Her emotions were not easily hidden on her innocent face. Her pain was evident in the crease of her lovely brow and the down-curve of her full lips. But her eyes, her eyes showed her soul. They were a deep pool of brown with hints of gold, an ocean of hopeless grief. As I looked into her eyes I knew, all the beauty of the universe could not even hope to compete with this simple thing: passion. Passion turned her eyes into orbs of the brightest fire, and in them, I read clearly that she would fight to the very last tear for her life. She would not let the world break her. Sure she could cry, but she would never let them take her true self from her. She clung to it with passion. The passion that made her, her._

"So you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah, so I think I am going to move back. I think it would be better for Sophia to be able to see her mama without having to fly out." _My girls will be home, finally. Or at least my baby girl. How'd Penny allow this?_

"W-What about Penny?"

"We broke up." Callie mutters, "Because everyone cheats on me or dies. Or hits me..."

"SHE HIT YOU! That bitch laid hands on you, I'm gonna snap her tiny little neck." My anger outburst settles but Penny, she hurt, physically hurt Callie, she's going to pay.

"Callie...Why didn't you tell me."

"Well, Arizona, what do you want from me because roughly two months ago, you wanted nothing to do with me. So what do you expect, that everything will be the same when nothing is the same. You gave up on us, on me, on our future. You told me that we are running in circles, waiting for the end to change. So how, _how, _could I tell you?"

There's so much I could say right now, that could change everything, but the words won't come out of my mouth because how do you say '_I am so in love with you, that I don't know how not to be in love with you. I have dozens of handwritten letter with your name on it, and all those unsent, deleted text messages hiding the truth, I am in love with you, then, now, and forever.'_

I tilt my head back hoping gravity, stops my tears that were threatening to spill and glance back at Callie, whose face is tear-streaked.

"I-I think I s-should go, sorry." Her tears, make my heartache, my stomach drops. _How did I hurt this woman?_

_Can't she stay, can't I be the person who brings back the sparkle in her eyes, can't she be mine again? _"Stay with me," our eyes go wide, "I'm sorry, t-that… I guess wasn't, umm, I just I think that you could use someone right now and I-I like company." _Mostly yours._

"I don't think we should." Callie hiccups, suppressing her tears. "T-Thank you for the offer."

No words were spoken as Callie headed to her car, and I went to mine.

_How could I be so stupid, how? She doesn't deserve all this pain or any of it. I should be the one in pain._

"This is all my fault, this is all my fault…" I repeat the words over and over almost chanting behind the steering wheel.


End file.
